Three Millimeter Misery or: How I Learned to Love Haining People’s Hospital

Today is a special guest post by Mark, my loving husband, who not once in the following post mentions anything about his wife, but you know…whatever (update from loving husband: just discovered bus treads on back).

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I am writing as I lounge in one of the famous Chinese hospital IV wards I’ve jokingly heard about from other foreigners. If you’re from the US, you probably recall the salt water gargle cure-all offered by the school nurse. Well, I was led to believe that, in China, an IV at the hospital is similar in spirit.

I’ll spare you from a discourse on my aches and pains, but I have to provide some context. I left work immediately after lunch with abdominal pain. I hoped it would pass, but it didn’t. Instead it elevated to holy-shit-this-hurts intensity.

I’ll be totally honest: I was quite apprehensive to go to the emergency room. A niggling, lizard-brain centered voice based on groundless prejudice but amplified by pain warned there would be not but a shark-fin soup and bird’s nest infused concoction waiting. I stalled until I couldn’t any longer and here I am.

Now, I  am coming into this with a couple of advantages. You’ve heard of white privilege in the US. Forget that noise, give laowai (foreigner, slang)-laoshi (teacher)-with-an-insurance-card-and-cute-kid-in-tow privilege a whirl. Second, a buddy who can “zhong the wen” (our family’s slang for conversing in Chinese, zhongwen being spoken Chinese) rounded out my possy. The end result would have been the same, but these factors definitely helped to finesse the process.

Long story short: 3mm kidney stone that should pass on its own. To those who might ignorantly presume this was determined through some quackery, I have absolute confidence in the diagnosis as it is backed by a CT scan. Time to diagnosis after entering emergency room reception: under 45 minutes. The ultimate irony in all of this is that I have wanted a CT scan since learning the reconstruction methodology direct from domain pioneers during graduate school. It was even a helical scanner, squee!

Let’s bookend this thing baby (Brian, you there?). Second IV bag is almost empty. I feel great, no more pain. I’m guessing the stone has passed to the bladder (update: yes). The IV fluid infusion may even have been the trigger (my first-principles-based lay-knowledge suggests the possibility). Made friends with lots of curious little kids and a cool family sitting across from me. I was totally impressed with the courtesy and downright kindness exhibited by the security guards.

All joking aside, I am writing to say thank you yet again to China in general and the city and people of Haining in particular for being there when I needed you. The professionalism and clinical expertise demonstrated by the nurses, doctors, and everyone involved with my care met all expectations. I can rest easy tonight due both to absent pain and the knowledge that, should my family or I need you again, Haining People’s Hospital is just a quick DiDi down the road.